i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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