what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
