Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
