FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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