Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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