He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
