im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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