I hate all girls vehemently.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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