UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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