I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My bed smells like the plague
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
