i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
