I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
