That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there