Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE