i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious