If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin