he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.