Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.