If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
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I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!