I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.