Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.