He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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