Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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