are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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