I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize