She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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