Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
