I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
