went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
