I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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