My first STD was from a foam party
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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