Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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