so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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