I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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