I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
