Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
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Can you bring me the toilet please
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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