let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
