you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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