nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
