Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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