I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize