walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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