how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
