so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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