I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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