Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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