you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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