I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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