420 ftw
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
