yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
