guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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