I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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