I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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