thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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