Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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