I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
