Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
